It is by God's grace, Lexapro and coffee I make it through some days. If I am being completely honest, COVID has given me quite a case of claustrophobia. I truly love, love, love my kids but I also really need a break and some space once in a while. Like, I just want to pee and shower alone on occasion. I think the hardest thing has been that there are less places to go. I have a very sweet and sassy 6 year old little girl who is always on the go and my little "silent terror" is three. If he is being to quiet there is always a reason. Lately it has been potty related. Yuck!
"I am bored" and "I want a snack" are constantly on repeat in our house. I am so grateful for our pool that helps get their wiggles out and gives them some fresh air but after a couple of hours they are over it and then they are ready to do something else. We miss going to the park. We miss routine play dates. We miss going to our local theme park to ride rides like we did all last summer. My house seems to stay messy and covered in crumbs (we now have a horrible ant problem no matter how much I sweep and vacuum!) because we are inside more than usual. Needless to say my little Tom and Jerry seem to get into mischief , sneak another snack or make another mess every time I turn my back. They are so darn cute but they really do a good job at exhausting me these days. Phew!
Now most of the time my kids get along and play well together but sometimes... they fight. When I say "fight" I mean that they scream at the top of their lungs as they pull back and forth tugging the same toy or one of them gets upset because the other sibling doesn't want to play the same game. I feel like I am constantly playing referee. Now that I think of it, I may benefit from a whistle to help get their attention! Needless to say my kids are having way more screen time than usual and I am not happy about it but truly it allows me to get things done without having to worry that they are getting into trouble or trying to wrestle each other (my little guy really believes he is a "ninja" and can throw some impressive kicks and punches these days I’m)!
Throughout COVID I also have clients that I have been trying to keep up with (some are in person but some are not comfortable coming back to the office yet) and am often on the phone doing virtual consultations, talking to my publisher about my book or on the phone with a friend I haven't seen in months. Needless to say this is when for me, screen time is a must. Do I feel the mommy guilt from not always being able to successfully entertain my kids without an iPad or TV on? Absolutely I do. But I also know that life isn't normal right now and we are in total survival mode most days and sometimes I just need some peace and quiet. It is what it is and I have chosen to give myself grace and lots of it. I hope you choose to as well.
Before COVID life was different but now this is the new normal for the foreseeable future. Though it may seem like I am just venting and complaining on here I am just choosing to keep it real with you in case you too are also feeling worn thin and in desperate need for some much needed space. I want you to know that I get it. Mommy guilt is real! Now hear me out please. I really am a very positive person (like "rose colored glasses" positive) and I do love and am extremely grateful for all of the extra family time we are getting BUT it is also a struggle to stay sane some days... if I am being totally honest. I think it is safe to say that most mom's these days can agree. Sometimes I tell my husband "babe I just need a minute" and I end up alone in Starbucks parking lot alone sipping my white tea and mindlessly scrolling through Pinterest, blogging or reading a book. Within a few minutes I feel SO much better but my goodness I would not be a happy camper if my husband graciously hadn't given me those few minutes to be alone and unwind.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want to meet you where you are at if you are feeling the same way. I want you to know that you are NOT alone. You are not a bad mother because you feel overwhelmed and all touched out. You are just an over stimulated human being that desperately needs a mental and physical break. COVID has unfortunately altered things and times are hard right now but it won't last forever. I promise. So, hang in there mama! Take a few minutes for yourself every single day, ask for help, give yourself grace and know that you are doing a great job! We are in this together and WE'VE GOT THIS!